


Lost Without Mah Light

by FireOpal (Raven_At_The_Writing_Desk)



Series: Random Cayrd and Frias [2]
Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Original Characters, Inspired by Roleplay/Roleplay Adaptation, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-05-06 22:42:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14657730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raven_At_The_Writing_Desk/pseuds/FireOpal
Summary: How do you move on when your husband is killed before you? Can you fulfill their final wish?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [@iraya](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=%40iraya).



> This is an AU of an RP based on GotG...So read at your own peril. Some characters are based on OC's from said RP from the 99th Ravager Clan. If you've got questions about the RP or the 99th check out the discord at https://discord.gg/7ArRvaN. 
> 
> Thanks to @iraya for the idea and @Alexanderbadass and Iraya for editing help.

The mutiny had not gone well for Esme. However, the ship was in shambles, several rooms destroyed including the comms, and Cayrd and his crew had barely made it out alive. They had gotten separated though. The last Cayrd had seen of Frias, was the pink haired man being let outside to the asteroid cove. Outside, Esme and her second in command, Bree, stood holding court over the confused crew members of the Tartarus. No one seemed to know what was going on, but Cayrd and his crew knew, and it wasn’t good. Cayrd saw Frias' face looking up at the ship, bravely, as he was led away. Frias may be strong but he was no match for a blaster pointed at his head. 

“What do we do”, Ooulai asked looking down at Frias, even if they couldn’t actually see each other. Cayrd shook his head. He knew he could trust Frias, he knew the man was capable. Still, it was frightening to see his husband led off like that. Cayrd looked back at Ooulai.

“We've got to get to the bridge, it's the only way we can take the ship back.” He gestured for his small team to follow him. 

They made their way to the bridge and, though it was bloody, it was a simple task to take bridge and turn the ship. This, unfortunately, was Esme and Bree’s first indication that something had gone wrong with their plan. Cayrd and Delillo looked out the window at the gathered crew below. They gave a one finger salute to Esme and Bree, even if they couldn’t be seen. Then Ooulai pointed at an incoming ship.

“It's one of ours.” Delilo said. Everyone watched the colorful m-ship that had the markings of the clan on it. It came in low and hovered over the cove, menacing the group. “What are they doing?” Delilo asked looking up at Cayrd. 

Cayrd shook his head slowly, he knew what it looked like they were doing, but surely they weren't actually coming around to firing position on the cove? What exactly what they were doing? Cayrd and Ooulai stared aghast. 

He didn't know which one of them did it, but one of them on the ship opened fire on the crowd gathered on the asteroid Cove. The crowd began to scatter as chunks of the asteroids floated away in sharp blasts. Ravager bodies floated into space, dislodged from the artificial gravity on the asteroid cove. Delilo screamed.

“They’re firing at the people out there! Why!” They slammed a purple hand on the glass between them uselessly. 

No one had an answer for them.

“We have to stop them,” Ooulai shouted. Without further prompting, she and Cayrd ran for the hangar-bay.

“See if you can hail them from the comms!” Cayrd yelled as he ran. Delilo said nothing but nodded. It was up to them to re-establish the comms and see if the others were just being stupid, or if there was menace behind it.

They pushed their way to the hangar bay, passed the panicking Ravagers who didn't understand who was shooting at them or why. Cayrd looked but didn't see a pink haired man running towards him. Perhaps he just missed him in the crowd. Perhaps Frias was still outside, seeing what he could do to help the others. Cayrd pushed it aside, he had to focus on the task at hand, or there’d be no saving Frias in any way. 

Cayrd made it to his ship and manage the blast off despite the crowd. He and Ooulai shot into space, intercepting the spaceship. 

“I got them on the comms,” Delilo said over Cayrd’s intercom. 

“Patch me through,” Cayrd snapped. Delillo did as asked. The dusty blue face of what he had thought of as a friend popped up on his communication center.

“What in the fucking hell do you think you're doing!” Cayrd yelled at them. “Those are innocent Ravagers down there!” He scanned the crowd as best he could, but still no Frias. Where was he! His 'friend' looked blank for a moment, then a new face came on the screen beside them.

“How innocent can they be, Commander? Were they not taking sides with the mutiny?” The other asked, a smug twitch to his lips. Cayrd’s mouth dropped open. He had to blink a few times then he shook himself. 

“How would you even know?” Cayrd gestured at the cove. “You just got here!”

His friend looked like they were about to say something, then the other laid a hand on their shoulder.

“It doesn't matter if I know for sure,” The other said. “They were there with Esme, that's enough to make them guilty.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it!” Cayrd said but the other just shrugged, an easy practiced movement that instantly made Cayrd pissed. 

“A captain has to make tough decisions,” The other said to Cayrd, his smirk showing teeth. 

“What captain,” Cayrd snarled but he already knew the answer. It was his firend who now looked haughty. 

“I'm captain now,” His firend tilted their head up, looking every bit convinced of their own words.

"You'll be captain over my dead body," Cayrd snarled as the other chuckled. 

"I was really hoping you'd say that," the other said and fired full out on Cayrd's ship. 

***

Frias managed to push the rubble on top him out of the way. He blinked at the scene before him. Injured everywhere, craters everywhere, and two ships hovering above the cove. One he recognized as Cayrd's 'Fire Opal', the other he didn't know. Was it one of Esme’s? 

He'd only just pushed himself out of the hole when the unknown ship unloaded on the Fire Opal and the accompanying explosion knocked him backward again. 

“CAYRD!” Frias screamed as his head connected with the rocks below, his final sight was the smoldering rubble of Cayrd's ship raining down. "Cayrd," he sobbed before he blacked out. 

***

Cayrd sat in the shitty bar on Knowhere ordering another drink. 

It wasn't terribly smart of him. If he was recognized by anyone, his life would be in danger. Not that he actually cared. He didn't care about a lot of things anymore. He didn't care that he had saved the ship from the mutiny so many years ago only to be villainized. He didn't care that the one he thought was a firend had convinced people on the ship that he had been the cause of the mutiny. He didn't care that he lost what little family he had in Ooulai and Delilo. None of it really mattered because he’d never recovered the one thing that did matter to him, despite surviving freezing space. 

He only knew what he did because Delilo spotted him on Knowhere one day and they’d shared a few drinks. The small purple alien, who had saved his life, was making a delivery and Cayrd was getting a job. Not because Cayrd needed the money, hell's knew he had more than enough credits. No, he needed something to keep his mind busy in between his bouts of drunkenness. Delillo had been surprised to see him, not only because Cayrd was supposed to be in hiding, but because Cayrd looked so horrible. Really, what was the point of it all? Taking care of oneself? It was just another way Cayrd was hoping to die.

It seemed the harder Cayrd tried to get himself killed, the harder it seems to be. It was like there was some cruel Cosmic joke that prevented him from being able to join Frias on the other side. He was to the point now where he didn't care if he met Frias again in the afterlife if only he could just stop thinking about how much he missed him.

Cayrd tapped on his breast pocket and the little shatterproof case with the tiny vial inside it. He discovered it a few months after Frias had died. Something Frias had placed inside their safe-box on Knowhere. It had a note with it that he had read once and then tucked away, along with the vile. Frias had left it for him in-case something happened, and Frias was no longer with him.

Cayrd knew Frias wanted children, he knew the thought was bouncing around in that little pink head. Problem was Cayrd new fuck all about children. The thought of him taking the last piece of Frias and burning it up, mixing his and Frias’ DNA together in the hopes of producing a child, made him ache. When he first found the vial of blood, he’d just been so angry. He was angry about a lot of things, then years later, that anger squelched, the things he said had been unfair. He knew that the last thing Frias had thought about was leaving some part of himself behind for Cayrd.

He tapped on the vial again. It was time he supposed, to do the last thing Frias asked of him. He still didn't know anything about children, but he if wondered if Frias’ brothers might. He resolved himself to go back to Laot, and find his late brothers-in-law. They never made it back to Frias’ homeworld after their marriage. They never managed to make it official to his family. Cayrd figured it was a long past due time he went and finally met the four men who made up the remaining Dagalak Brothers.

***

It had taken longer than he had expected to find Frias’ brothers. He wasn't really sure what he had expected, but the months of searching that he had to go through finding the Dagalak Brothers had finally come to an end. Now he stood outside the little family home, colorful and cheerful. Wind chimes and shiny stones glinted from artwork adorning not only the walls but the roof rafters as well. He could hear the cheerful banter of children in the distance and remembered what's Frias said about the value of children in his culture.

"Hey mister! What ya doing here?" Cayrd got a hard jolt when he looked at the youthful face of the boy. The hauntingly familiar boy looked curious but cautious. Cayrd knew he stuck out, but he also knew these folk were somewhat used to nosy tourists. 

"Ahm looking fer the Dagalak brothers," Cayrd said after he found his voice again. The boy looked at him and Cayrd was impressed with the cunning he saw there. "Ah called ahead and spoke with yer brother already." The boy actually pouted and the expression was so much like Frias’ it almost stopped his heart. 

"Yeh, he mentioned ya might be coming by." The boy said and Cayrd was again shaken by how much the boy looked like Frias. "What's wrong?" The boy asked eyeing Cayrd with something that might be concern. 

"Nothing, darling, just tired." Cayrd lied. "Ah've been looking fer yer family a while now, that's all." 

"Bunso, who are ya talking to?" Another man approached this one from the house. His pink hair was longer and pulled into a long tail down his back. 

"Kuya, it's the man who was asking about Frias." The boy said cheerfully. 

Cayrd was grateful this new man didn't look exactly like Frias like the younger brother did. Cayrd dipped his head reverently to the older man, who had to be close to his own age, and yet still looked youthful. The man passed an eye over Cayrd and didn't look pleased with what he saw. Cayrd couldn’t blame him, he knew he looked rough. He’d lost weight, his skin sallow, and even his hair was shaggy. 

"I'm Franco,” The older man introduced himself but didn’t offer a hand to shake. Cayrd sighed, he guessed his message must have been too much for a family in mourning. 

"Comman-  " Cayrd stopped. "Cayrd , Ahm Cayrd." He said. Franco bobbed his head and looked over his shoulder to the lovely hut. He called out Frias’ lyrical language that reminded Cayrd of birdsong slightly. A moment later another man emerged looking somewhat younger than Franco, again the family resemblance was strong, but not identical. The new man looked at Cayrd quizzically and approached them. 

"This is Francisco. He's the second eldest. I told him about your procreation suggestion." Franco tilted his head as Francisco came over. “We’re confused.”

"Yeah, we're gonna have to deny ya," Francisco said as more chattering came from the house. Cayrd lost track of what they said next, all he could hear was the words deny ya. Everything else was a mummer around him, he felt like the floor had dropped from below him. 

"Cayrd?" A new voice said. A familiar voice. Cayrd didn't bother to look up. It was the hallucination like always that came when he was stressed, the lovely face of Frias haunting him, much like Dolph had before. He had to pull himself together. They were still talking to him, there was still hope to convince them. 

"Ah can't...do it alone." He said more to quell the voice he longed to hear but knew he never would. 

"Stars yer alive," The voice of Frias sounded amazed and trembled with tears. That was new. It made him look up...

... And into blue eyes so clear they were like the sunlit sky itself. 

"Ah saw the ship blow ya up. I-I saw the pieces fall down, H-how did ya...how did ya survive?" 

Cayrd just stared opened mouth and unbelieving. He was rosy-skinned, his pink hair a bit longer than Cayrd remembered, but he was still as plump as ever. 

"Cayrd, C-can ya hear me?" Frias walked closer, reaching up to touch Cayrd’s bearded face. "Stars ya look like hell," Frias said, his voice shaking, and tears filling his eyes. 

"L-Lover?" Cayrd finally managed to get out. "My Frias?" Frias' hand was warm on his cheek and his smile brilliant with joy. Cayrd almost collapsed with relief as it registered, Frias was somehow, alive.

Cayrd pulled Frias to him suddenly, holding his warm body close enough to feel his heartbeat. 

"Yer alive," Cayrd said on an exhale. "Hells below yer alive" 

"So are you?" Frias said, a hiccup in his voice as he tried to not sob. Cayrd didn't care, he smashed his mouth against Frias', tasting his husband for the first time in so many years. 

Frias sobbed as their tongues entwined. Headless of their audience, the two embraced and kissed as if they could merge themselves. Finally, Cayrd broke away. 

"Ah don't know how long have been lost," He said laying his forehead against Frias' "My light in the dark, how ah drifted without ya," He breathed in Frias’ scent, licked his taste from his lips. "How did you live?" 

"When the other ship shot up the cove, there was a cave in. Ah fell into it and was nearly crushed." Frias stroked Cayrd's face to touch anything he could reach, his tears falling freely now. Cayrd chuckled and sobbed. "How did you?"

"Forcefield." Cayrd said. "Ah saw him reach fer the controls and then the emergency force field shot up around the cockpit. It knocked me inta space and mah suit did the rest."

"B-but how did ya get outta space?" The suits wouldn't have lasted forever.

"Delilo." Cayrd said. "They had patched me through to them, and they heard the whole thing. They came and got me as soon as they was able." But it had been a long painful wait as his suit slowly lost power. "Ah thought ya were dead, Ah didn't care." He didn't finish the sentence. He didn't want to.

"Come inside Darling," Frias said guiding Cayrd past his brothers who watched with equal parts joy and confusion. Cayrd just smiled and wept as he went in with Frias. "Mah husband," Frias said happily hugging Cayrd to him till he guided him to his room and shut the door.

They fell onto the bed together, Cayrd pulling Frias to him as he fell on the bed.

"Say that again," Cayrd said his hands sliding down Frias' arms.

"Mah Husband?" Frias laughed and straddled Cayrd. "Mah long-lost husband," He bent over Cayrd to kiss him again, their lips wet with tears.

"My darling husband," Cayrd said as he sat up now, his hands aching to touch Frias, wanting to touch his skin, not just the colorful wrap and sheer fabric. It wasn't enough. He needed to feel Frias' warmth mingling with his own.

Frias laughed again and didn't need to be encouraged much. He wanted the same, wanted Cayrd's body naked beneath him. He pulled his own clothes off, then began to pull on Cayrd’s. All the while their mouths were busy kissing, tasting, and nipping each other. They were naked before either realized it. Cayrd already hard. He reached to stroke Frias, feeling the long missed bumps and ridges of his husband’s cock.

"Ah lover, how Ah've missed ya," He said grinding his cock in Frias' hand. They held each other, kissing and stroking. It felt like each pass of Frias's gave him new strength, and Cayrd soon had an arm wrapped around Frias grinding them both together with his own hand as Frias clung to him. 

“Oh fuck, Cayrd,” Frias whimpered against Cayrd’s shoulder. “I missed ya, so much it hurt.” Frias ran fingers through Cayrd’s shaggy hair. His hips jerking, his cock in Cayrd’s hand. “Please, Ah need ya.”

“Ah want ya,” Cayrd surged up. Flipping them and putting Frias on the bed. He moistened his fingers and gently probed Frias’ tight entrance. Frias whimpered and trembled. Hells he was tight, tighter than Cayrd remembered. “Lover,” Cayrd said pushing a finger inside to stroke Frias. “Ah want to be inside ya.” 

Frias only nodded, his cock already dribbling. The sight of him flushed and already so close to cumming made Cayrd’s knot start to flair. He wouldn’t last long inside Frias, not this first time.

“Please,” Frias begged, and Cayrd groaned. “Please, Cayrd, Please.” 

Cayrd slicked his hand and his own cock with saliva then pressed forward. Frias cried out, arching up towards Cayrd, who cried out at the forgotten feeling of his husband's body wrapped around his dick. 

“Cayrd!” Frias clung to Cayrd, his grip tight. Cayrd thrust hard, knowing Frias could take it, remembering Frias liked it. 

He built a punishing rhythm grinding his knot against Frias’ ass. Each thrust making them both cry and shudder. He knew he was coming soon, he grabbed Frias’ hips and thrust forward locking them together as his knot was meant to. He bit down at the same moment, his sharp teeth piercing Frias’ skin.

Frias cried out as he came, painting them both with his thick cum. His inner walls milking Cayrd as Cayrd growled and filled him. 

“Mine,” Cayrd growled, licking Frias’ neck. “All mine.” 

Frias panted and nodded, unable to form words. Cayrd rested his forehead on Frias’ and just gazed down at him. He’d only had memories of how desperately beautiful Frias was after their lovemaking. Now he could see it again, he could look into Frias’ sex glazed eyes and revel in the wonder of it all. 

“Ah love ya,” Cayrd said, and the impact of those words made his chest hurt. Frias just smiled up at him, stroking his face and kissing the tip of his nose. 

“Ah love ya too.” He grinned. 

  
  



	2. Waking

Cayrd woke up, groggy and stiff. He didn’t recognize where he was. The air was sweet and there was bright natural sunlight. His foggy brain didn’t want to kick in just yet, but rising panic had him sitting up, clawing at his blankets. 

“Cayrd?” Frias looked up half asleep himself. Cayrd’s flailing waking him. 

Cayrd froze, horrified, and waited. Waited for the nightmare to shift, for Frias’ wounds to open and for him to look accusingly at him, blame him for being dead. Cayrd swallowed, but Frias only sat up and rubbed his sleepy eyes. 

“Ya alright?” Frias asked, and Cayrd managed to shake his head. What new hell was this that his nightmare was taking forever to shift?   
Frias reached for him, looking concerned, but calm. His body was still sleep warm and painfully comforting against Cayrd’s cold chest. He was sweating, knowing the longer it took the dream to shift, the worse it was. Hells, he just wanted to wake up, just wanted it over with. 

“Yer shivering,” Frias said, pulling Cayrd against him. “Ya sick?” Frias sounded concerned, and Cayrd gave in, folding against him. Even if it was a nightmare, even if he knew later he’d wake up screaming, he curled against the smaller mans’ chest and let Frias sooth him. He wanted this so much, wanted his husband back so much he’d take even these short glimpses in nightmares over nothing. “And yer running a fever,” Frias said it softly, brushing Cayrd’s hair away from his forehead. 

“Ya ain't real,” Cayrd moaned, holding Frias tightly. He knew he’d wake any moment and just be clutching some dirty pillow…again. 

“I am,” Frias’ voice quavered. “Cayrd look at me,” Cayrd shook his head and Frias reached down to pulled his head up. This was it, the moment he’d face Frias and he’d be blood covered and cold and…  
There were warm lips on his and he felt Frias’ breath on his skin. He blinked his eyes open so fast and jerked away. Frias looked truly concerned, but rosy and pink and alive. Yesterday came back to him, slowly like a half bead bulb warming back to life. Frias reached up to touch Cayrd and, hells be damned, Cayrd flinched. He didn’t mean to, but the sudden pain in Frias’ eyes ripped right through him. 

“Ah didn’t mean it,” Cayrd said reaching for his hand and pulling it back. “Ah didn’t mean it, Ah…Ah was having a nightmare.” 

“Like before?” Frias asked looking a little relieved. He’d seen Cayrd through a few of his night terrors where he dreamed of Dolph. Cayrd swallowed and nuzzled Frias’ hand. 

“Y-yeah.” He didn’t want to let go now that the dream fog was lifting and he remembered Frias was actually, really alive. 

“Yer safe here, ya know that?” There was something like iron in Frias' voice and it made Cayrd look up again. “I got ya back, I’m not letting ya go, ever.” He leaned forward and put his head against Cayrd’s. “Ya are running a fever.” He mumbled. 

“Don’t go,” Cayrd begged. “Not yet,” he slid back down into the comforters and pulled Frias down with him. “Ahm sorry, Ah’ll wake up better next time.” He held Frias to him, suddenly so tired he couldn’t stand it. He shivered and bearly felt the warmth of Frias’ sun warm skin. “Ah’ll be better.” He promised, drifting off again.

***


	3. Waking Again

Frias waited a few moments after Cayrd drifted off, then slipped silently out of bed. Cayrd was sick and needed medicine and probably actual medical care. He’d meant what he’d said though, he wasn’t giving Cayrd up ever again. 

He went quietly to the kitchen his siblings already awake and giving Frias and Cayrd space. Still, the look on Franco’s face meant there would be a ‘talk’ coming. 

“Is he well?” Franco asked sipping coffee. Frias sighed.

“No, he’s exhausted and sick.” Frias noticed Francisco had made biscuits an gravy with ham steaks and fruit salad. He went over and began making a plate for himself and Cayrd. His husband was thin and gaunt, and Frias was going to fatten him up again. 

“We should take him to the hospital then.” Franco watched as Frias poured his own coffee and found a tray for the plates.

“No,” He said simply. “Cayrd won’t want that, and I can take care of him just fine here. I took care of plenty worse on the Tart.”

Franco narrowed his eyes, but Frias ignored him, taking the tray of food to his room. He could feel the disapproving stares from his older brothers, but he didn’t care. His own heartsick nightmare was over, and he wasn’t going to let anything come between them.

***

Cayrd woke to the smell of food and coffee. Good food, real food. Not the preprocessed crap he’d been forcing himself to eat. He heard the rattle of dishes and he slowly sat up. His head hurt and his mouth was dry. He wanted his solder pills that he knew he had a bad dependency on, but they were the only thing that got him going most of the time anymore. He froze again when he saw Frias, he didn’t think he was still dreaming, but the awe of seeing him moving around, alive was unreal. 

Frias saw him staring and smiled softly. 

“I brought ya some food, I want ya ta eat.” He brought ht tray over and set it down. “Then I want ya ta take a hot bath and get cleaned up. I’ll make some medicine fer ya and then I want ya ta rest more. Yer exhausted and sick.” Frias looked prim and Cayrd couldn’t help but grin. Three years and he was still the same. 

“Alright, as the doctor orders.” The food looked better than anything he’d had in a while. His interest in such things had faded along with his will to survive. He scooped up the first gravy laden bite and savored it. He tried not to look foolish as Frias watched him eat. He didn’t like looking weak in front of Frias, but the more he tried the harder it got. It was like, this had been his last gamble at life, and when he’d hit the unexpected jackpot of finding Frias alive, all the past few years of bad living hit him like a crashing ship. 

“Francisco made it, but I’ll cook fer ya soon.” Frias promised finally taking his own plate and eating. 

“It’s still great,” Cayrd said, wolfing down more. He could feel his stomach stretching but didn’t want to disappoint. 

Frias seemed pleased, and when Cayrd had cleaned his plate, Frias took it off. “The bathroom is over there,” he pointed to a second door. “Yer welcome ta soak all ya want, but I’ll check on ya in a bit.”   
Cayrd gave him a cheeky grin. “Ya gonna give a full check up too?” He slid out of bed, naked from last nights romp. Frias laughed and the way he looked at Cayrd made everything feel right for a moment. Frias shooed Cayrd off and went to take the dishes out. The bedroom door had bearly closed before Cayrd’s stomach rebelled.

  
He staggered to the bathroom, just making ti to the toilet in time. He heaved and all that splendid breakfast, wasn’t so splendid anymore. He wiped his mouth with a shaky hand and heard Frias come in again.   
“Cayrd!” Frias rushed over and put a hand to his forehead again. “Damn it, I should have known better,” he cursed and Cayrd managed a wan smile. He’d always thought I cue when Frias swore.   
Cayrd tired to push himself up but had lost his strength. “Sorry,” He moaned. Frias just shook his head and picked Cayrd up, depositing him in the bath. Cayrd didn’t even resist a little. He’d wanted that warm bath, and Frias ran water over him till he was mostly covered.

  
“Alright. I’m gonna change the sheets real quick, you don’t move from here. Just soak up the heat and let me get things ready fer ya ok?”

  
“Sorry darling,” Cayrd slurred. He felt drunk, he felt cold, and most of all he felt stupid. How could he be acting like this when he just got his husband back. “Sorry.”

  
Frias put a hand on his head, and it felt cool. “Yer fine, just sick. Please, just relax. I’m only gonna be gone minute.”

  
Cayrd nodded and propped himself up. He wold be damned if he was going to drown in the tub. Which he realized, was the first real thought he’d had about not dieing in a while. 

He managed, and Frias came and got him. H pulled out a sponge and some kind of green soap.

  
“It’s a herbal soap. It’ll help you recover from the fever faster.” Frias lathered up the soap and began to rub Cayrd down. Cayrd sighed letting Frias slide soapy hands over him. He ached, ached to be touched and from the neglect of his own body. Frias sniffled and Cayrd looked over at him. 

“Darling?” he asked and Frias shook his head. 

“Ah didn’t get a good look at ya yesterday,” Frias said, there was a touch of anger there. “You look half dead. Why?”

Cayrd tried to think of a good answer. “Ah…didn’t want to live without ya.” Cayrd heard the quiver in his own voice. “But Ah couldn’t just…die either.” He shivered. “Ah took all these stupid jobs, and did a lot of stupid things, and Ah’ve no right ta be alive, but…” He gripped Frias’ hand as it passed over his chest. “Ah kept trying ta figure out why Ah couldn’t just die. Ah guess, it was because you weren’t really dead.” 

Frias folded over his, sobbing now. Cayrd sat up enough to hold him. He wanted to tell him not to cry, that it was fine now, but he knew it wouldn’t matter. Frias was mad at him, rightfully so, and he was going to hold onto him anyway. 

“Ahm sorry lover,” Cayrd whispered kissing the top of his head. “Ah cursed everything Ah knew when Ah thought ya was dead. Ahm so glad Ah was wrong.” 

“Don’t, don’t do this ever again!” Frias yelled at him through tears. “Ah love ya! Ya have ta live fer me!” 

Cayrd just gaped at him. He’d never thought…never considered. Frias was so healthy looking, it wasn’t some miracle. It was because he loved Cayrd and knew Cayrd wouldn’t want Frias to do exactly what Cayrd had done to himself. 

“Lover, Frias, Ah…” He blinked hot shameful tears. “Oh hells, please, forgive me?” He shook his head and clung to Frias. “Ahm selfish, and stupid.”

“No, just, promise me!” Frias was hugging him hard enough to hurt. 

“Ah promise,” Cayrd said holding him back, and he meant it. Several years too late, but he understood, and he meant it.


	4. Up and Walking

It was a few days later, and Cayrd was finally able to keep a full meal down. Which seemed to please Frias, so Cayrd tried hard. Thankfully Frias had moved from big, rich, full meals to simple soups and rice pages. They were tasty, Cayrd didn’t think Frias was capable of making anything that didn’t taste wonderful, but Cayrd wanted the big full meals. 

It was his penitence though, to smell the good food Frias and his family made, and not be able to eat it.

  
He slept a lot too and woke almost every time to feel Frias beside him. He’d pull Frias close and just inhale the scent of him and absorb his warmth. He ached each time, remembering the cold nights without Frias, and Frias would turn to him and kiss him and mummer that it was all alright.

  
Today though, as the sun came in and Cayrd blinked awake, he decided he was done laying around. He wanted a full damn meal and he wanted to walk around. It took a few tires to get on his feet, but he managed and staggered as gratefully as he could to the bedroom door.

  
It swinging open, almost clipping him, but he kept his feet as Frias almost fell backward with the tray of porridge.

  
“Cayrd!” Frias said. “What are you doing? You shouldn’t be up.” He sat the try down and come over to Cayrd, patting his hollow chest.

  
“Ah’m fine, Ah wanna sit outside.” He sniffed the air. “And some bacon if there’s enough.”

  
Frias looked concerned briefly, then smiled. “Of course. Ya always did like bacon.” Frias took Cayrd’s hand and led him out to the family dining area and everyone turned to look. Cayrd straightened despite himself. He was too damn proud to be looked down on, even when he was injured. Franco arched an eyebrow but said nothing.

  
“Ya eating with us then?” Francisco asked, his frilly apron contrasting to his tone body. Cayrd stared wistfully at the bacon in the pan he held.

  
“If ya have space,” Cayrd said still unsure about his footing. Francisco grinned and the two younger boys, Frias and Freddy set a space from him. Frias was beaming and sat beside him, a light blush on his cheeks. Cayrd gripped his hand under the table, happy that Frias was happy.

  
It was only a moment more and Cayrd had a small plate of eggs, toast, some fruit, and several fat strips of bacon. He ate one with relish, daring his stomach to rebel. It held, and Cayrd slowly ate his way through his entire plate.

  
“Glad ta see yer feeling better,” Francisco said. “You looked like a zombie when ya got here. Ow!” Francisco glared across the table at Frias. “He did.” Francisco pointed with his fork.  
“He was sick,” Frias said with a pout.

  
“Ah was. But Frias nursed me better.” Cayrd entwined their fingers, grateful.

  
“Since you’re moving around, did you have plans for the day?” Franco looked over his cup of tea and Frias frowned again. Cayrd didn’t know this guy, but he got the feeling he was being measured.

“Ah need ta check on mah ship. Maybe grab a few things.” Cayrd picked up his own tea to sip. He craved something stronger, but since he just kept his first solids down in almost three days, he wasn’t going to push it.

  
“I’ll go with you,” Frias said quickly. Franco narrowed his eyes. “He’ll need me.” Frias stuck out his chin and Cayrd chuckled.

  
“Ah want ya to.” Cayrd brought Frias hand to his lips. “Ah want ya with me always.”

  
Friss snickered, as kids did at such things, but Cayrd ignored him because the look on Frias’ face made his core sing. He meant it anyway, he didn’t want to lose track of Frias form one moment. It scared him, that he might blink and Frias would be gone, and he’d be in a gutter somewhere finally getting his death wish.

  
“I’m not going anywhere without you,” Frias said, his eyes soft and his cheeks pink.

  
So they got dressed in outerwear, more flow louse clothes that Cayrd truly enjoyed, and they walked hand-in-hand to the shipyard. It took a while, Cayrd needed to rest a few times, but they made it and Frias made a face when he saw the ship.

  
It was a piece of junk and Cayrd knew it. Not like his old ship that had been old, but well maintained. A classic Z-ship. This one was a rust bucket with questionably shields and engines that might outrun a slug. Frias got quiet again and Cayrd could feel his temper.

“Sorry,” He apologized and Frias shook his head. The state of the ship was much like the state of his own body. Abused and run down.

  
“You promised ya wouldn’t do it again,” Frias said with a nod. “So, we’ll just get rid of this and get ya a better one.” Cayrd grinned.

  
“Ah won’t, ah mean it.” He stared for the ship ramp then stopped. “Um…you should…wait here.” He thought about the absolute mess inside. It was…terrible. Cayrd was usually a neat person, or he had been. The squaller inside was embarrassing and he didn’t want to upset Frias further.

  
Frias seemed to understand and crossed his arms with a stern look. “That bad?” He asked and Cayrd just scrubbed the back o his shaggy head.

  
“It’ll only take me a minute.” He scuttled up into his pit of a ship.

  
Inside he picked his way around, packing a bag with important things, his hair gel, his commander jacket and the knives Frias had given him wrapped safely inside. He grabbed a few more weapons and things he knew he’d want. Then he turned his back on the rest and locked the ship up again. He’d sell the whole thing as is. He had no need to remind himself of the last few years. All he wanted was to start over with Frias, properly this time.

  
Outside he paused though. A new man was standing with Frias, tall and white-haired. He was standing close to Frias too, his hand on Frias' shoulder. A hot rush of jealousy followed but the cold was of insecurity. The man leaned in an put his forehead to Frias, intimately.

  
Of course, Frias would have another suitor, possibly another lover altogether. Frias was beautiful and smart and strong and … Cayrd shook his head. He’d had a few offers himself, but he’d run away from them. It was silly to think Frias had done the same. Selfish even.

  
Cautiously he walked up slowly, and the man frowned, pulling Frias behind him possessively, his hand drifting to a blaster on is sash belt.

  
Cayrd froze. He knew that look. ‘Not my mate’ it said. He swallowed bile and paused. Did he even have a right to intrude here?

“Who are you?” The white-haired man asked.

  
“Cayrd Roewing,” He said.

  
“Dan stop,” Frias sounded annoyed and pushed his way back towards Cayrd. “I don't need you to protect me. It’s my husband, Cayrd.”

  
Cayrd felt dizzy with relief. Frias chose him, even as silly as that sounded, Frias had come to him, called him husband. Dan didn’t look as happy.

  
“You said your husband was dead.” Dan hadn’t relaxed. “Are you sure? Could he be a clone or…something?”

  
Frias rolled his eyes. “No, it’s him.” Frias stood between them looking grumpy. I know it.”

  
Dan didn’t look as convinced.

  
“Who the hell are you anyway?” Cayrd challenged. He wasn’t in any shape for a fight, but hells be damned if he was going to have someone challenge his right to his husband. Dan just narrowed his eyes and removed his hand from his blaster.

“I’ll keep an eye on you,” Dan said. Frias made an exasperated sound and pulled Cayrd off to return to the house. Dan watched them, and Cayrd watched Dan. That guy was going to be trouble.


	5. Shaping Up

Cayrd’s arms shook with the effort it took to push himself up one more time. He was royally pissed at himself for letting himself get so bad. So if his arms wouldn’t play ball his abs would have to. Cayrd rolled over on his mat in the shade near the beach. He curled his legs up to start his crunches.

  
He’d been here about a week now, and Frias, Hells bless his perfect ass, had cared for him without complaint. But Cayrd could see it in his eyes when he looked at him. Sadness at the state he’d put himself in. He knew it would take more than a few days, more like a few months, but he’d get his shape back. Then Frias would look at him again like he had when they were on the Tart.

  
Cayrd grunted though bearly twenty crunches before he was laying on his back panting. He sighed, defeated for the Monet and watched the water lap at the beach. Frias was out there with his family, Cayrd was going to give himself a moment to recover what dignity he had and then go out there for a swim. He and Frias hadn’t been intimate since the first night. Maybe a little play in the water might bring out the mood.

  
A figured stepped in his way blocking his view. Tall and white-haired, and in far better shape than Cayrd currently was.

  
“I don’t know who you are,” Dan said. “So I’ll give this one chance. Leave Frias alone, or I will end you.” He looked completely serious too, Cayrd had to give him that much. Still, the spike of anger had his war teeth dropping.

  
“Ah don’t know ya much either, but Ah’ll tell ya this. Ah’ll bite yer damn head off before you’ll get ta touch Frias again.”

  
Dan narrowed his eyes, a slight tick in his jaw. 

“Cayrd Roewing is dead, and you coming here, pretending, I oughtta kill ya for that alone.”

“Yer so certain Ahm dead.” Cayrd sat up slowly. “Ah wonder why that is? Just wishful thinking, so can get yer hands on mah husband?” 

Dan watched Cayrd rise, his face neutral, but his body coiled and ready. 

Cayrd yawned. 

“Keep yer hands to yerself, and Ah won't shoot ya in the head.” Cayrd walked past Dan, bumping his shoulder. Dan turned to look at him, then froze. 

“Dan!” Frias ran up grinning at the two of them. “Glad ta see ya!” Cayrd bristled but calmed down as Frias took his arm. 

“I was enjoying the beach,” Dan said, his sour expression turning warm. “I saw Cayrd laying here panting, and wanted to make sure he was alright.” Frias looked concerned and Cayrd rolled his eyes. 

“Ah wasn’t panting,” Cayrd said, but Frias put his hand on Cayrd’s chest anyway. “Ah was just doing some toning exercises.” He protested and Dan smirked. 

“You shouldn’t exert yourself so soon after being sick,” Dan said with a pleasant smile. Frias nodded. 

Cayrd snarled and grabbed Frias’ hand pulling him away and towards the water. Dan looked concerned and followed 

“Cayrd? What?” Frias walked with him quickly. 

“Ah want a swim and Ah’m not leaving ya with him.” Cayrd stopped on the edge of the water and Frias looked baffled. Dan stood a bit away, but close enough to get to them. “Who the flark is he anyway?” Cayrd said low and Frias heard the anger. 

“He’s my oldest friend,” Frias said looking uneasy. “He’s been good to me.” 

“Good ta you,” Cayrd couldn’t keep the bitterness from his voice. Frias winced and Cayrd pulled him close holding him tightly, possessively. Frias looked up unsure. “Ahm the only one ta e good to ya now.” He growled and before Frias could answer Cayrd kissed him deeply. Frias relaxed into Cayrd’s grip a smile curling on his lips. 

“There ya are,” Frias said when Cayrd broke the kiss. Cayrd blinked.

“Here Ah am?” He asked puzzled. Frias’ had a sly look to him, bedroom eyes, Cayrd thought. It made him a little warm below the belt. 

“Ya weren’t the same, I though…you was just…in shock, or ya didn’t…like me…physically…” Frias looked down, doubt and worry in his eyes. Cayrd growled, claiming Frias mouth again. Frias moaned now. “Cayrd, mah family.” Frias was flushed and hard against Cayrd’s leg. 

“There a better place fer this,” Cayrd purred, looking briefly at Dan, who was practically scarlet. 

“TH-there’s a cave,” Frias indicated with his chin.

“Take us there,” Cayrd said, and Frias practically pulled his arm out of joint dragging him along.

 


	6. The Cave

The cave was cool, and the hush of the waves echoed in it nicely. Frias led Cayrd in and pulled him down for a hard kiss. He threw his arms around Cayrd’s neck greedily. Cayrd cupped Frias’ ass and pulled him tight. 

“I missed you,” Frias sighed and Cayrd nibbled his neck. “I was so worried that I got ya back, but ya were only a shadow.” 

“Ah was,” Cayrd murmured against Frias’ skin, licking a bit before he racked his teeth gently down. “Ah needed mah light ta show me the way out.” Frias moaned as Cayrd massaged his ass. They were both hard and Cayrd was so ready. “Ah want ya, let me have ya.” 

Frias nodded flushed again and panting. He moved back and leaned against a rock, his erection tenting his swim trunks. Cayrd went to him, his own erection leading the way. He hooked his fingers in the trunks and pulled it them off with a flourish. 

Frias made a little sound as he was suddenly naked and Cayrd just grinned. Cayrd pulled his own pants off, rubbing his length along Frias’. Frias licked his lips and shivered. Cayrd held them both in his hand and stroked them together, remembering the bumps and ridges of Frias’ dick, and how they felt on the sensitive under skin of his own. 

“Hells Ah missed this,” Cayrd ran his fingers into Frias’ hair, the fisted it, pulling his head back. He hovered over him, watching Frias’ face as Cayrd pumped them. “Ah missed when you look like this.”

“Oh s-stars!” Frias’ hips jerked in time with Cayrd’s fist. He reached down and wrapped his hand around Cayrd’s, pumping them together. “Cayrd,” Frias whimpered. “Please, kiss me.”

Cayrd did, as deeply as he could, while they rutted together in the cave. The waves rushed against the entrance masking the sounds they made, hungry sounds like starving men.

“Fuck, Cayrd!” Frias clung to Cayrd, his face scrunching as his orgasm was hitting. Cayrd remembered that face, and his knot flared in response. “Please, bite me! Mark me!”

Cayrd clutched Frias to him, cum spurting from him as he bit into Frias’ skin. Frias cried out his own release and jerked in Cayrd’s arms 

“Yes!” Frias sobbed.

Cayrd held Frias a long moment, gently licking the shallow bite mark he’d made. Frias wanted to be marked, well he was now. Cayrd felt wrung out in a good way. Like he’d emptied out something that was filling him up wrong, and now there was room again. Room for him. 

“I love ya,” Frias murmured against Cayrd’s fuzzy chest. “I’m so glad yer back, like a bad dream I can finally wake up from.” He wrapped his arms around Cayrd and held on. Cayrd sighed, loving the feeling. “I was so worried that you weren’t going to snap out of it.” 

Cayrd petted Frias, holding him and being held. 

“Ah did, You’ll see. Ah’ll be back ta mah fighting weight in a few months. Sexy abs and all.” He grinned into Frias’ hair. “All the better ta fuck ya with.”

Frias giggled. “I missed that too. It’s frustrating not having anyone when yer horny as hell.”

“Dan don’t know how ta get ya off?” The thought of him even trying pissed Cayrd off.

“Nah, we never slept together. Well, not since I got back. I haven’t been with anyone but ya since we got together.” Frias snuggled Cayrd and he felt his heart race. He’d just keep his failed attempts ate sex to himself then. He had tried, tried women, tried bots, tried custom bots. That had been a particularly bad idea. Frias seemed to sense him. “Who were ya with?” Frias asked in a sing-song teasing tone. 

“Ah…no one in the past few years. Ah gave up trying. It just wasn’t right without yah, and even the droid…” He trailed off and Frias push away just to look up. 

“Droid? What did ya do to a droid?” Frias had a sparkle to his eyes that made Cayrd think he was laughing. Cayrd frowned, then sighed. 

“Ah tried…g-getting a droid made…ta look like ya.” He sucked his teeth as Frias’ eyes got wide. 

“Ya did?” He asked in a hushed tone. Clearly, he didn’t know what to make of it. 

“Ah thought ya were dead, I couldn’t enjoy it with anyone else, Ah thought maybe, even if it wasn’t you, maybe Ah could pretend…” He trailed off and Frias cupped his shaggy face. It was tender, and though there was still humor, there wasn’t judgment or disapproval. 

“What did you do?” Frias stroked Cayrd’s face. 

“Ah…cried…mostly.” He put his forehead against Frias. “Ah couldn’t even send the damn thing back.” Frias just kept petting him. He shoved at the memory. “I gave ya a proper Ravager funeral, even if it wasn’t ya.”

Frias made a little sob noise. Cayrd kissed his forehead. 

“Ya did that fer me?” Frias sniffed, then gave a watery laugh. “Or fer mah sexbot?” Cayrd chuckled along with him. 

“Ahm an idiot.” Cayrd agreed. “Think ya can live with that?” 

“Yes, and I can’t wait ta.” Frias kissed him softly. “Marry me? Again?” Cayrd felt his pulse jump. 

“Yes,” Cayrd kissed him. “Ah’ll marry ya as many times as it takes ta stick.” 

Frias did a little happy dance on the stones, tears popping in his eyes again. Cayrd hadn’t felt this good in such a long time. He just kept kissing Frias till they were both breathless and laughing. 

“I wanna take ya home, mah husband.” Frias trailed fingers over Cayrd’s shoulders and arms. 

“Oh yeah?” Cayrd arched an eyebrow. “Then what?” 

“Then we’re gonna celebrate, again.”


End file.
